11 December 2009

it must be late for me to be posting this in such a public forum

i'm feeling so many things right now.

excitement, obviously.

scared, too. of so many things. i know i'm not dumb, but i'm worried that i won't be of the intellectual caliber of the other kids going.

i'm also scared of something else.{am i really posting this?} i like this boy. a lot. but, being me, i get socially retarded after i have a great time with a great boy on a date, and don't know how to function. mostly because since i don't get asked out on second dates terribly often- which is fine, because most of them i don't want to go out with again- i don't know how to go about being around the boys i do want to get to know more. i'm getting better, but still. also, the last boy i "dated" has left me with zero confidence in reading signs and signals- i thought that boy liked me- it seemed so obvious. painfully obvious- until he went and hurt me. a lot. so i really would need to hear from the source or someone close to the source what the boy is thinking and feeling to be able to believe it. but i know i really can't rely on that. i'm afraid of what my inability to decipher levels of interest will result in. because i really want to have a chance. i've just been hurt and need reassuring. and there are so many other cute girls, it's hard not to feel threatened.

i'm also feeling tired. i should go to bed.

and i actually feel much better after even just writing this.


1 comment:

Karli Woolley said...

I need to know who it is! Dang, you've got me so interested :)