31 January 2011

who said girls weren't honest?

i can't even begin to tell you how good i feel. liberated isn't quite the right word, because that seems to imply that i was unwillingly in captivity before, but it's the best that comes to mind as i quickly write this post.

so, i had a crush on this boy for something like the past 6 months.  completely unrequited the whole time, and i knew it.  but still, i persisted in liking him.  mostly because he's a completely fantastic guy, but i think in some small part because i wanted to make my parents happy and not seem like i'm destined to be an old maid, and also in part because it was just nice to have someone to be interested in.

this week, i came to the realization that i don't like him anymore. i can't. because even though i still think we would be compatible, i just got tired of having to remind myself that things hadn't changed, and that they were never going to be change.  i deserve someone who wants to be with me.  someone who actually remembers what i tell him {and in case you're reading this, sir, i used to be from massachusetts, but i am currently from pennsylvania}. i saw him tonight, and i have to admit, i was a little worried that when he walked in the door i would forget my new-found feelings at the sight of him {he is rather handsome}. but, much to my relief, i felt the same. the new same. the same that means i'm not going to worry about if he'll ever realize how great i am. the hour was great; i was able to function like a normal human being without secretly hoping and wishing that maybe tonight would be the night that i said something to make him fall in like with me.

and while there is no one there to fill the gap as of yet, i'm ok with it. because you know what? everything always works out, one way or another.


maybe one of these days i'll learn to be this honest with boys in real life.

4 comments:

Jourdan said...

Lucky you. I'm still waiting to get to that point.

Lisa said...

amen sister! You're incredible. more than incredible. You derserve someone and will find someone who recognizes that all on their own! Another girls night soon? I think so!

Liese said...

Isn't so refreshing to let go?! Love this post! I feel like I should read this over and over again so I can do this when I am in that situation (and I always am...). Love you!

Stephanie said...

I love this post. I'm glad you've come to such a very mature place. you are amazing. and someone will know it one day.